Passionless Jaguar F-Type Review Is Worse Than Religious Extremism


His name is Mr. John and he runs an exceedingly popular website, honestjohn.co.uk. It’s a great website full of facts and reviews and car advice often dispensed by Mr. John himself. 

We’re starting off with what is a back-handed compliment so here comes the back-handed bit.

When you have a popular car website PR departments will pull their teeth out, sell their livers and sing “Swany River” all day long just to get you on board in order to sell their sub-conscious “buy-our-product” message. It’s all part of the sales funnel.

And the manufacturers like to get you on board by inviting you to exclusive press launches and feeding you like a foie-gras duck. That’s the nature of the beast. In that respect, it’s a little bit like dining with the Mafia.

And of course, the award winning Mr. John gets all the exclusive invites as is the case with Jaguar. The company invited him to test the F-Type Convertible in Spain when it first launched back in 2013.

So you have the keys to one of the best sports cars Jaguar has made since the celebrated E-Type. But Mr. John’s review is so devoid of passion that it makes us weep, it makes us want to sell our collective livers, it makes us want to sing “Swany River” ALL DAY LONG!

Indeed this F-Type review is so passionless we would rather be flogged by a chain-cam belt from a 1.4-liter, 122PS, watercooled, turbocharged engine. And then to finish off our misery for good we would demand to be pounded by 17-inch wheels with 205-40 tires.

Sometimes it doesn’t matter if you are an axe murderer or if you throw baby turtles into a crocodile-infested river if you have a popular public persona then you can get away with anything.

That said with Top Gear off the air we have found alternative car-related and unintentionally hilarious entertainment thanks to Mr. John.


A few years ago Mr. John’s website ran into a spot of trouble, and new owners bailed out the company. Not soon after, Mr. John was handed a cardboard box and told to move on and out. Sadly the new owners decided to delete all of Mr. John’s horrifically horrific but unintentionally funny wooden YouTube video reviews. Indeed a wooden casket had more life than Mr. John’s video reviews ever mustered.

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